The Forty Days

Does anyone have any earthly idea what all the hubbub about 24 was back in the early to mid-2000s?  Apparently, it was some kind of show on the television machine, and apparently, it was pretty damn good.  In an attempt to finally understand all those conversations that took place five to eight years ago, I’m going to watch Season One of 24 within 24 hours.  (I know that the DVD will not have commercials, so this endeavor will take less than 24 hours, but still, give a brother some credit.)  I will be updating this post and tweeting after I finish every episode, so keep coming back throughout the day to check on my mental sanity.  Hopefully, I will not find myself 16 hours from now screaming at Betsy’s turtle lamp.

Episode 1 Done, 6:04 am:  One down, twenty three to go.  I think Jack Bauer is going to save the day…  Why did I get up so early?

Episode 2 Done, 6:44 am:  I’m getting into this show!  I don’t know who to trust.  I don’t really trust the presidential candidate, actually.  I think he’s orchestrating a fake attempt on his life for some good PR.  And I don’t really trust the daughter either–but those two guys that are essentially kidnapping her seem cool.

Episode 3 Done, 7:26 am: I am rolling!  Haven’t moved an inch since 5:20 am.  Best moment in show so far–Jack Bauer screaming, “WHO DO YOU WOK FOR??!!!”  I need to eat some cereal soon.  Maybe some Peanut Butter Puffins.  Mmm, Peanut Butter Puffins.

Episode 4 Done, 8:12 am: Disc 1 of 6 is done!  One-sixth of the way there.  “What’s so special about Jack Bauer?”  Oh, Agent George Mason, if you have to ask, you’ll never know.  Duh, he was in The Lost Boys.  And A Time to Kill.  But that movie was just awful.

Episode 5 Done, 9:02 am:  Oh, Jack Bauer is there anything you won’t do to save your daughter?  Helping a suspected murderer flee prison?  She probably won’t even be grateful for all your efforts.  Maybe for a little while.  Then in like 2 weeks, you’ll bring up the fact that you found weed in her desk, and she’ll be all like, I learned it from watching you, DAD!!!  I learned it from watching you…

Episode 6 Done, 9:47 am: OMG!!  Major spoiler alert!  (Sorry, will try and keep these to a minimum.)  He’s not her father!  He’s not her father!  They killed the real father!  Who are these people?  They’re everywhere!  They remind me of this global conspiracy my friend Ross and I discovered in high school in Frisco, Texas–I can’t really go into it, because they may still be monitoring my communications, but it involved the CIA, JCPenney, a whole lot of Oompa-Loompas, and WMD’s.

Episode 7 Done, 10:36 am: Jack Bauer, what are you doing?????  Doing the enemy’s dirty work???  I mean, I know they have your daughter, but shouldn’t you make the ultimate sacrifice to protect a presidential candidate?  That’s what the secret service does.  Are you saying you’re better than the secret service?  Because my wife’s brother’s best friend’s girlfriend had a pre-school teacher who probably knew someone in the secret service.  And they are hardworking people.  I expect this of Agent George Mason, but not you.  I expect so much more from you.  Oh, wait I see…you’re smart.  (Wrote this one before the episode finally ended.  But I like it so I’m keeping it.)

Episode 8 Done, 11:22 am: Done with disc 2 of 6.  One third done!!  I like the fact that Gabe from Six Feet Under is in this.  It’s a bit part, but at least he’s working (at least as of 2001).  Hey, if anyone wants to bring me some peach ice cream, that would be great.

Episode 9 Done, 12:09 pm:  The wife slept with her captor?  Why????????????????????????????  And she’s not going to tell Jack?  If my wife was kidnapped and had to sleep with her kidnapper, I’d totally forgive her.  But then whenever we’d get in a fight, I’d say, “Hey, remember that time you slept with your kidnapper?  Argument over.”

Episode 10 Done, 12:51 pm : Do I really have 14 episodes left?  I feel like I can’t take any breaks, or I’m going to get behind the eight ball.  I’ve had to go to the bathroom since 9am.  I’d like to go to sleep by 2 am, as I’m learning how to drive stick shift tomorrow and intense sleep deprivation is probably not a good combination.  I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night.

Episode 11 Done, 1:36 pm: As an attorney, I have to say that Jack Bauer is doing a lot of illegal things–kidnapping, assault (including assault on a public officer), aiding and abetting a prison escape, searches without warrants, obstruction of justice, manslaughter(!!!), among other crimes.  Even if he is ultimately right, saves his family, and prevents the assassination, he could still be arrested and tried for these crimes.  I’m just sayin’.

Episode 12 Done, 2:23 pm: Half way done, baby!  I’m really liking the show thus far.  One criticism.  Why introduce an intriguing, savvy character like Agent George Mason, who goes around saying classic things like, “What’s so special about Jack Bauer?,” and then abandon him after Episode 3?   What were the writers thinking??

Episode 13 Done, 3:08 pm: Why does the daughter care so much about the guy who kidnapped her?  Is she in love?  Oh, that old story–boy meets girl; girl likes boy; boy’s friend slips her friend a Rufie; boy kidnaps girl and turns her over to ruthless international terrorists.  So obvious!

Episode 14 Done, 3:53 pm: My butt just fell asleep.

Episode 15 Done, 5:18 pm:  I’m tired.  I don’t even really care anymore if the presidential candidate gets assassinated.  What’s his platform?  What are his policies?  All we really know about this guy is that his “people” killed a psychiatrist, his wife is a conniving Lady Macbeth, and his son “accidentally” killed some dude.  What about the other presidential candidates?  Maybe one of them has better policies, is more suited to the office of President, or has less baggage than this guy.  I’ve decided–I’m throwing my support behind one of them.

Episode 16 Done, 6:02 pm: I’ve started drinking.  Probably not a good idea.  Oh,oh, oh, and Agent George Mason is back.  He’s the best, and really is the driving force behind the show, in my opinion.  Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Episode 17 Done, 6:50 pm : I’m hitting the wall.  And feeling a little tipsy . . .  Turn around, Bright Eyes, every now and then I fall apart . . .  Here’s a picture of my dog, Iago–just because.  Who’s a good boy?

Episode 18 Done, 7:36 pm: The tension is mounting–only six episodes left!  Why does every potential reliable source or witness end up getting killed?  Every single one.  Coincidence?  Blah, blah, blah.  Actually, what I’m really excited about is the Chopped Beef Sandwich Betsy just brought home from Whole Foods.

Episode 19 Done, 8:17 pm: You did the right thing, presidential candidate.  Maybe you are restoring my faith in you.  I’d still like to get to know the other candidates, however, before I make any final decisions.

Episode 20, 9:12 pm:  Holy crap, is that Lou Diamond Phillips??!!  Where the heck has that guy been?  I loved him in La Bamba.  It’s like a mini Young Guns reunion!

Episode 21 Done, 9:54 pm:  Chaka-Khan.  Chaka-Khan.  Let me love you.  Let me rock you, Chaka-Khan.  That’s all I want to do.  All I wanna do is rock you, Chaka-Khan.  Chaka-Khan.  Chaka-Khan.  Chak-Chak-Chak Chaka-Khan.

Episode 22 Done, 10:34 pm: Will someone please come by here and shove a red hot fireplace poker in my left eye?  My soul is dying a little with each passing episode.  Only 2 left (yay).

Episode 23 Done, 11:18 pm: Holy moly!  Major spoiler alert Number 2!  It was her!  Nina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  All along.  I knew it couldn’t be Agent George Mason.  George Mason is a stand-up guy–the real deal Holyfield.  No doubt.  I have a feeling some bad guys are gonna get an ass-whooping pretty soon courtesy of Jack Bauer . . .  One episode left!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Episode 24!!!!!!!!!!  Done!!!!!!!!!  12:01 am!!!!!!!!!!!  Done and done and done!!!!!!  Jack Bauer is my new hero!!  Great show.  I’m going to motherf’ing sleep!  If there are any kids reading, do not try this experiment at home.  Almost as painful as climbing Kilimanjaro!  DB OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!