The Forty Days

I have always wanted to learn how to drive stick shift.  Why?  Three reasons.  First, I feel like less of a man not knowing how to drive stick.  I mean, I did have a Bar Mitzvah, and that has pretty much kept me feeling like a man from the age of thirteen and on, but it’s just not doing it for me these days.  Second, it’s a convenience issue.  I’ve been unable to borrow friends’ cars before or pull my proper weight on a road trip because the relevant vehicle was standard.  Finally, it’s a safety issue.  What if there is an emergency and the only car available is a stick shift?  What if, as in the movies, I need to requisition a vehicle to chase down a bad guy?  “Stop!  I need to requisition this vehicle!  Oh wait…is this stick shift?  Crap.”  (I believe that only law enforcement officers can requisition vehicles, but I used to work as law clerk to a federal judge, so I’m pretty sure that would have counted–”Stop!  I have a bench memo on subject matter jurisdiction due in one hour!”)

I arrive at my friend Aric’s house around 11 am to meet him and my other friend, Josh, for my lesson.  We climb into Josh’s sweet 2001 Rav 4, and Josh and Aric give me some initial instruction.  Something about a clutch, shifting, yada, yada, yada.  (By the way, I hear a couple of days ago from a third party that Josh is particularly concerned that I am go to completely ruin his transmission at some point during the lesson.   It, therefore, does not surprise me when Josh informs me that I will be fully responsible for any resulting damage I may cause.)  After I assume full responsibility for the consequences of my actions (something I try not to make a habit of), I turn the key and we are ready!!!!!  And then I stall.  Crap!  Happens to everyone the first time, right?  Ok.  I’m ready again!!!!!!!  And I stall…again.  We turn off the car, and Josh calmly gives me a few helpful pointers:

Ok.  Third time is a charm.  And I’m off, I shift into second, then third, then I approach a stop sign.  Josh calmly gives me instructions to slow down and stop.  Unfortunately, I stop about ten feet short of the stop sign.  For some reason, I have a little trouble with the stopping and stop signs for about the first thirty minutes.

After not too long, I quickly get the hang of this thing.  First to second to third to fourth even!  I even learn how to start the car on a hill, and after stalling a few times, I eventually nail it.  You say you want proof?  Here you go!

Unfortunately, at the end of the lesson, we practice parallel parking.  Let’s just say that it doesn’t go very well.

Finally!!  At least now I know the basics of driving stick!  I feel a little more like a man.  More of a man than a certain, little Jewish boy whose Bar Mitzvah I recently attended–take that second cousin Ricky!!!!  And, if there was ever an emergency situation, I feel reasonably sure that I could drive stick to the hospital with only the originally injured person requiring medical attention upon arrival.

Thanks, Aric and Josh!  What a good day!!!