The Forty Days

Having trouble with the significant other?  Getting no respect at work?  Your pet turtle, Mr. Gummy, isn’t listening to you anymore?  You, sir or madam, need some advice.  And yesterday I sold my advice for cheap–a nickel.  Some might say that’s all my advice is worth.  Others, including mostly me and my mom, might say that a nickel for the pearls of wisdom coming out of my mouth is the bargain of the week. But yesterday was a one-time offer.  If you want my sage advice now, you either have to be my friend and/or buy me a beer.

The idea for this Charlie Brown-esque event came from two independent sources–my good friend Staci, who is currently living in a land down under, and Jodi of Tasty Touring.  However, I did not want to just set up an illegitimate advice stand on the side of the road, the legality of which would be questionable.  So Jodi did some hustling for me (on her birthday, no less) and contacted Jacob from Mambo Berry, who was more than willing to let me set up my ramshackle advice stand on his property.  (Mambo Berry is located on South Congress and has some seriously delicious fro yo and smoothies, and makes great tamales that rival some of the better Tex-Mex establishments in Austin.)

Now I had some legitimacy to my operation–but what to do with all the nickels?  My super-smart wife came up with the idea to give any proceeds to charity, specifically Austin Pets Alive, which does amazing work saving Austin’s adoptable pets from being euthanized.   (Austin Pets Alive needs donations, volunteers, and people who are interested in fostering or adopting pets.  For more information, please visit their website.)  In addition, Mambo Berry graciously agreed to donate 10 percent of their sales (during the hours the advice stand was open) to Austin Pets Alive!

With the event now more about bringing different facets of the community together (i.e., a local business, charity, and amateur blogger) and less about my own self-glorification, I was excited.  I arrive at Mambo Berry around 11:45 am and set up my fliers, poster board (pictured above), table, and donation jar.  Did I mention that I decided to wear a suit?  Just to let people know that I meant business.  At 12:00 pm, I am open for business–who’s first?!  Initially, I decide to let my poster do all the work–let people wander by, read the poster, become intrigued, and feel compelled to take advantage of this great offer.  Some people stop, read the sign, and keep walking.  Most people don’t even read the sign.  Ok, I think, time to be pro-active.  As people pass by, I begin saying, “Advice for a nickel.  Best deal on South Congress.”  This strategy is no more successful.  Most people look at me like I’m trying to sell them flatware.  It is at this point that I begin to wonder whether the suit was a good idea.  Do they think I’m Mormon??!!  I conclude that the problem is that when a person yells at people walking on the sidewalk, they naturally assume that the person is trying to sell them something they don’t want or trying to engage them in a conversation they don’t want to have.  I probably could have been saying, “Free ice cream sundaes!” and people would have just waved me off and kept walking.

At around 1 pm, some of my fantastic and charitable friends start trickling in–partly out of pity for me and partly because I previously threatened to cut them with my trusty blade if they didn’t show.  Their arrival gets the ball rolling, and pretty soon, I am giving advice to friends and intrigued strangers alike.  I expect people to ask me silly, trivial questions–such as, “What shampoo should I use?” “Where can I get good chimichangas?” and “How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?”  Instead, people actually ask me semi-serious questions about decisions they are currently facing, including one friend (you know who you are) who totally unloads a very serious relationship “should I break up with him” type question.  Gulp.  Hmmmm . . . yes?

Here are just a few examples of questions and my thoughtful and considerate answers.  Q: How do I land a quality man?  A:  Stop looking.  Concentrate on yourself–work harder at your job, read good books, exercise, etc.  You’ll gain confidence and have interesting things to say.  (One of my friends totally poo-poos all over this advice, but I maintain that it’s valid.)  Q: I’m thinking of entering into a business partnership.  Any advice?  A: Consult a working attorney.  Q: I’m a photographer and I’ve lost my creative groove.  What do I do?  A: Watch the documentary “How Stella Got Her Groove Back.”  People also ask questions about their job, pets, college applications, TV placement, and where to attend Yom Kippur services.  Overall, a good variety of questions.

Some people sit down, tell me they’re ready, and then become silent.  I am confused.  What’s your question?  Apparently, they expect me to just start extemporaneously spouting out pearls of wisdom.  They have came to the wrong place.  To these people, I quote inspirational song lyrics: “Don’t stop ’til you get enough,” “Don’t stop believing,” (thanks Patrick), “Do it in the road,” and “De do do do de da da da is all I want to say to you.”  They seem a little less than satisfied.  Hey, you paid a nickel and didn’t have a question.  What do you expect?

I think the event is relatively successful.  The advice stand is pretty busy from 1-4 pm, with a handful of people from 4-5 pm.  The donations from the advice stand total $53.47 (which doesn’t seem like all that much, but that’s 1,069 nickels!!)  I will have to wait and see what 10 percent of Mambo Berry’s donations total.  Austin Pet’s Alive sends me an e-mail and informs me that we helped save THIS puppy from being euthanized this morning.

Thank you so, so much to Mambo Berry, Austin Pets Alive, all my wonderful friends, and everyone who made a donation!!!!  Albeit trite to say, I think we made a tiny difference in our small corner of the world.