The Forty Days

I am about to break the two rules of talking about religion to strangers.  The second rule is–do not say anything that might contradict the beliefs of another.  And the first rule of talking about religion to strangers–DON’T DO IT.  But I am a curious fellow.  Like many people in Austin, I’ve walked past the Church of Scientology on the Drag many times, always wondering what actually goes on in there.  I’ve heard stories about free personality tests and tests with a strange electrical machine.  As is the case with many people, I have always held a negative attitude and a healthy skepticism toward Scientology, but I do not really even know a substantial amount about the religion and its practices (other than Scientology is controversial and their beliefs have something to do with aliens).  That is why today, my friend Rick and I are going to walk into the Church of Scientology and see what happens.  I am going to attempt to recount my experience in a completely objective and non-judgmental manner because (1) I do not want to impose my thoughts and beliefs regarding religion on others and (2) I want to respect the religious beliefs of others, even if I may not agree with them.

Created in 1952 by L. Ron Hubbard, the central tenants of Scientology (according to its website) are: man is an immortal spiritual being; his experience extends well beyond a single lifetime; and man’s capabilities are unlimited, even if not presently realized.  With this limited information in mind, Rick and I walk into the Church of Scientology.  We are greeted warmly upon entering, and a man, who I will call “John,” asks what he can do for us.  We tell him we would like to learn more about Scientology and take the personality test and the test with the electrical machine (called an e-meter) that we had previously heard about.  John explains the purpose of these tests, and I discover that central to Scientology is the discovery of painful or traumatic past events and the attempt to overcome their limiting effect on one’s full potential.  The two tests Rick and I are to take are allegedly helpful in isolating those experiences and events that need to be overcome.

First, we take the personality test called the Oxford Capacity Analysis, which asks a series of two hundred questions which can be answered “Yes,” “No,” or “Maybe.”  (As far as I can tell, this test was created by the Church of Scientology and is not a standard, recognized personality test.)  Some of the questions are pretty typical: “Do you find it easy to express your emotions?”; “Do people enjoy being in your company?”; and “Do you spend too freely in relation to your income?”  But some of the questions seem substantially out-of-the-ordinary: “Are you a slow eater?”; “Do you ever get disturbed by the noise of the wind or a ‘house settling down?’”; and “When hearing a lecturer, do you sometimes experience the idea that the speaker is referring entirely to you?”

After I complete the test, a computer plots the results on a graph, scoring ten different personality characteristics: Stable, Happy, Composed, Certainty, Active, Aggressive, Responsible, Correct Estimation, Appreciative, and Communication Level.  John points out the areas in which I am deficient and require attention–apparently I am nervous, irresponsible, critical, and lack accord.  This is actually somewhat apt–I can be a very nervous person, and when things bother me I have trouble focusing on anything else; I can be highly critical of others, including those close to me; and I can lack accord with others, focusing too much on my own self-importance (especially during these forty days).  However, when John reads what each deficiency means, he speaks in absolutes which do not resonate with me.  For instance, just because I am a somewhat nervous person does not mean that I cannot relax and am irritable to the point where I can become violent;  just because I am critical of others does not mean that I am impossible to be around; and just because I place too much importance on myself does not mean I am cold-blooded and heartless.

Next John brings out the e-meter, which allegedly measures electrical resistance to isolate stressful areas in my life.  As I hold onto two metallic bars, John asks me to think of different people and situations in my life.  I think about my wife, friends, and family.  These thoughts do not illicit a change in the positioning of the electrical needle which would indicate stress.  He repeats the instruction, I comply, and he asks, “What were you thinking about just then?”  My dog, Iago.  He asks if Iago has been stressing me out; not really, other than the fact that he somehow got some poo all over his fur recently and still kind of stinks, even after an intense bathing.  John repeats the same instruction to think about people and situations in my life, and as the Dallas Cowboys pop into my head, John asks what I was thinking about.  “Is there anything about the Cowboys that stresses you out?”  Yes, they suck this season.  This is the end of the test, and I am unimpressed by the e-meter.  (According to Wikipedia, scientists dispute the accuracy and scientific value of both the personality and e-meter tests.)

Instead of discussing the results of his personality test with John, Rick asks John a series of questions about Scientology, and they discuss re-incarnation–how people isolate stressful events in their past and go back to events that happened in a previous life.  John also discusses Scientology’s disagreement with psychiatry, which now makes sense to me, because psychiatry uses medication to help with one’s mental state instead of discovering and working through traumatic events as advocated by Scientology.

As we leave the church, I ask John how Scientology is a religion–i.e., what is the religious aspect to helping people overcome what is preventing them from reaching their full potential?  John responds that Scientology is not about God, but it is about the spiritual self.  According to John, Scientology is non-denominational and compatible with other religions.  As we leave, John does not try to convince us to become Scientologists or ask for a donation–instead, he gives us some brochures and an informational DVD.

Based on my visit alone, I would have to say that I don’t find anything overtly strange or objectionable about the religion.  It has a surprisingly psychological aspect to it, and I am all in favor of working through painful and traumatic events that may be holding me back.  And Scientology boasts of cool Hollywood members, such as John Travolta, Jason Lee, Isaac Hayes, and, of course, Tom Cruise (although I don’t think anyone considers Tom Cruise cool anymore, do they?).

Scientology, however, has been embroiled in controversy since its inception.  According to Wikipedia, critics have described Scientology as “a cult that financially defrauds and abuses its members, charging exorbitant fees for its spiritual services.”  Controversy has also surrounded Scientology’s mystical teachings, which are only revealed to those members who have attained a certain level with the religion.  Also according to Wikipedia, the teaching revolves around a story of an alien ruler, Xenu, who brought billions of people to Earth 75 million years ago and blew them up with hydrogen bombs.  Their spirits now infest out bodies, and followers must rid these spirits by working through the painful experience of being blown up.  Although this sounds pretty fantastical, is it any more so than the Jewish belief that God delivered them from Egypt through the infliction of ten plagues and the parting of the Red Sea?  Or a belief in heaven and hell?  In the world of religion, isn’t the dividing line between what we consider bizarre and non-bizarre beliefs just a matter of popularity and momentum?

I think at this point, out of an abundance of caution, I will refrain from further commenting on my own religious beliefs or pontificating about the religious beliefs of others.  I have my own belief system, which is a mixture of my Judaism and my own spiritual development.  Other people have different religious beliefs, some have no religious beliefs, and that is all fine and dandy by me.  To each his own.  I have no idea if the controversies surrounding Scientology are true or not, and I do not wish to venture a guess at this point.   Like many others, I was just curious about entering a building and getting some more information.  Like many of my experiences throughout these forty days, I have somewhat treated myself like a human guinea pig and reported my findings.  Consider my report submitted.